“Why are we here like this?” I asked.

“Because you created it this way.” Mother said. “All that I ever was I am now but with a difference. You see me now as I imagine myself. This is how I was in my mind’s eye when I was a child. The woman I would grow to be. This was how I was in my prime. The woman I always wanted to be. And this is how I will always remember myself no matter how much I age. It will always be like this here. In other places I am other things to many people but here I am like this and I will always be here if you want me.”

“Will it be all right?” I asked knowing she would know exactly what I meant by “it”.

“There’s no knowing.” She said and as she did she raised her left hand and I knew that she meant “I have come” and then she pointed her right hand at the ground meaning “to harness this” indicating the earth “and be your guide.” Then she grabbed the calf of my left leg and squeezed it hard until I winced a bit.

Knowing now that she was about to leave I said, “What can I do for my friends now. My friends later. My family if I ever have one. When can I see you again?” I asked urgently as the steps vanished and we stood in a dark place that reflected neither sight nor sound.

“Love them. Lean on me. You can see me whenever you wish. I am right here.” She said receding into a field of creamy white light. Her skin gradually becoming black, her clothes becoming robes of blue and white. She raised her right hand and pointed to the earth with her left and disappeared.

I moved for a while through this dark place looking for something to anchor myself and found nothing. Abiding nowhere I realized I felt stronger than I ever had and that I wanted everyone to know who they were and where they came from. And it was all because of something my mother had said.

She said “There is no knowing,” and I had fallen in love for the very first time.

—an excerpt from Michael O’Keefe’s “There’s No Knowing”. Bomb 1989/1990.